The Goldfish Assembly

Previously on Smidgeons the Fish...

"How come they don't wanna eat us? They crazy or something? Am I not sexy!? Am I not delicious!?"

"Could you repeat everything you just said!? I wasn't listening!"

"I'm sleepy."

"Do I have a name!? I forgot it!"

"Why they keep throwing balls at the rings!?"

"Silence dullards!" boomed smidgeons. "We'll never get anywhere like this! We need some semblance of order! Now listen here!'

And they did listen...

And before long the very first meeting of the very first ever (to my knowledge) goldfish assembly was called to order.

...

"Here ye! Here ye! I herebye call this first meeting of the goldfish imprisoned in plastic cups to order!' bellowed smidgeons.

Chapter 4!
The Goldfish Assembly!

"What's an assembly!?" Called one of the ruder fish. And he wiggled his tail menacingly to let everyone know he was in charge.

"Silence!" bellowed smidgeons again. "No one is allowed to talk but me! Because i'm the assembly master! And for the record an assembly is an organized gathering of fishes.' In truth smartfish had had no clue what assembly was. It was a human word he'd overheard, but being the smartest goldfish that ever lived, he'd managed to correctly hypothesize it's meaning.

Smidgeons went on: 'And organized means everybody needs to be quiet and follow the rules! Rule number one! If you have any questions raise a fin and wait to be called on by the fish in the cup to my left whom shall heretofort be referred to as Smart Sister."

"I'm smart!' cried Smart Sister happily.

"Make that Nearly Smart Sister,' corrected smidgeons on his second thought.

"Awwwww..." said Nearly Smart Sister sadly. She sincerely wished she could bite smidgeons on the nose, and was in mourning of the fact that she could not.

"Ok you axe a question," said Nearly Smart Sister to a polite looking fish with his fin raised.

"Ummmmmmmmmm..." he started to say.

"No!' shouted smidgeons, so loudly that both Nearly Smart Fish and polite fish jumped in their cups. 'Don't call on anyone 'til I tell you to, stupid!"

Smidgeons continued to speak as nearly smart Sister fphtphfphtphfphtph-ed at him, and Polite Fish played dead after making a poor attempt at hiding in the bottom of his cup.

"before any of you ask any more questions which i'm sure will somehow be even stupider... I'll make a brief statement on the most important facts with regard to our current predicament."

"What's a predicament!?" shouted the rather rude fish in the back.

"Yer out of order!" shouted Smidgeons, (who for the record could easily out-rude the rudest goldfish of the rudest goldfish family ing the whole world.)

"But i wanna know what a predicament is!" demanded Rude Fish, (who could also have out-ruded that fish.)

"Then wait until the proper time!" yelled Smidgeons.

"But i wanna know now!" yelled Rude Fish even louder back.

"Fine! Someone tell this dullard what a predicament is!" he conceded unhapilly and circled his cup passive aggressively whilst rolling his eyes.

There was a brief silence. All of the gold-fry stared blankly at him.

"Oh i forgot... you're all dullards..." Smidgeons muttered sadly.

In point of fact none of Smidgeons' siblings siblings were dullards. They were all reasonably intelligent for three day old fry. (Fry is the word for a baby fish such as Smidgeons and his captive family.)

They were therefor not familiar with the word "predicament" which was not even a word in the goldfish language It was in fact minnow speak as you may have guessed... since they, like you humans, have a love for creating long words to use in situations where a short one would, suffice in order to seem impressive. Minnows do it to over compensate  for being small... And of course you humans over compensate for pretty much everything as a matter of habit! ... No offense.

"I'm not a dullard!' cried out rude fish. 'The rest of these people are, but not me!"
In truth Rude Fish, like his other siblings, with the exception of Smidgeons, had no idea what dullard meant either. Since dullard was also word in minnow and not goldfish.

"Fine a predicament is a situatio-" he started to say. Then sighed realizing his sibling wouldn't understand the word "situation" either. As that was also also minnow-speak.

"A predicament is a thing," he finally said.

"Ohh..." said the masses of wide eyed gold-fry in cups.

"So why don't you just thing! Huh!? Why talks all fancy!?" shouted Rude fish.

"Ok ok. I'm gonna explain to y'all the thing we're in," Smidgeons grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"These creatures... big things all around us call themselves humans. They're gigantic, highly dangerous and incredibly stupid. The good news is they don't want to eat us. They want us for pets.

See that strange dry mossy stuff all over that thing next to a human."

"That moss doesn't look very yummy..." commented Random Comment Fish, after being called on by Nearly Smart Sister.

"I imagine it's not. In fact it's not even moss at all. The dry mossy stuff is called "fur". And the thing that it's attached to is called a "dog". Humans keep them for pets. They feed them. Give them treats, make them do tricks, and control their movements. See that long vine thing around his neck? The humans made that somehow, and it's called a "leash." With it they control the movement of their pets."

"But I dun wanna be on a leash!" shouted Panic Fish, after being called on by Nearly Smart Sister.

"Well... we won't be," said Smidgeons. "They have other means for controlling us."

"Like what?" questioned Nearly Smart Sister.

"Like putting us in tiny plastic cups, dullard."

Nearly Smart Sister growled again in a manner she thought was menacing, but was actually merely adorable.

Smidgeons went on: "But that's not the worst of it. As pets these human beings around us would undoubtedly be far too stupid to care for us. They'd either forget to feed us, and we'd starve, or over feed us, causing us to die of bloaty-iness."

"We wouldn't eat ourselves to death! We're not that stupid!" shouted Rude Fish, who hadn't bothered to raise his fin to be called on.

"Yer out of order!" shouted Nearly Smart Sister. Sad she hadn't gotten to call on someone.

"It's not about smarts," Smidgeons informed the rest. "Think how bored we'll be in these little cups instead of our pond. Someone pours any food at all in here with us... we'll eat it just to pass the time."

"Oh my god we're all gonna die of bloaty-ness!!!" shouted Panic Fish. And then he added:

"Panic!!!"

"QUIET DULLARDS!!!" shouted Rude Fish. And everyone stopped.

"Don't call them dullards!" shouted Smidgeons. "That's my line!"

"I was saying dullards before anyone," announced Rude Fish.

"You were not!"

"Was too."

"Ok forget it I don't care. Say dullard all you want."

"Ok dullard!"

Smart Fish (Smidgeons) sighed. "Ok so... no one has to worry about being pets. The humans who want us for pets can't have us because they're too stupid to realize they can't win us by throwing those balls through the hoops that are too small for the balls to go through. The only humans here of any real intelligence are the ones passing by and not playing and the one who captured us who tricks the others into giving up those green flat things in exchange for throwing the balls. The humans call the green flat things money. And it seems to be very important to them."

"Is he gonna put us back in the pond once he gets all the money he wants?" questioned Nearly Smart Sister.

"No..." Smidgeons said slowly. "He's not. He said yesterday that once he's done with us... he's going to flush us down a thing. I'm pretty sure he called it... "a toilet." "

...

flip to chapta 5!